When Is a Child’s Behaviour a Cry for Help? Signs Parents Shouldn’t Ignore - Dr Chanchal Agrawal

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is very simple for parents to dismiss a child's challenging behaviour as "attention-seeking," "strong-willed," or "just a stage." In today's conversations about mental health, however, it is necessary to take a step back and reevaluate this position.

Behaviour is not just an action to be corrected. It is one of the main ways children communicate. When children act out, they are generally attempting to express an unmet emotional need, an internal stress, or a battle they do not yet have words for.

Every behaviour, whether it is a toddler’s tantrum or a teenager’s silence, carries a message. Children and adolescents often lack the vocabulary or emotional awareness to describe complex feelings such as anxiety, shame, loneliness, or social exclusion.

As a result, their behaviour becomes their loudest voice. What adults see on the surface maybe an outburst, defiance, withdrawal, or irritability is only a small part of the story. Like an iceberg, the visible reaction is supported by a much larger, hidden emotional experience underneath.

In many cases, children act out to escape a difficult task, seek attention or reassurance, obtain something they need, or cope with overwhelming sensory or emotional input. When adults focus only on stopping the behaviour, they risk missing the deeper signal the child is trying to send.

The way this “cry for help” appears can vary across developmental stages. In early childhood, particularly between ages two and five, children are still learning self-regulation. Tantrums are common, but parents should notice if meltdowns are extreme, last unusually long, or seem disproportionate to the trigger.

Regression can also be a warning sign, such as a toilet-trained child suddenly having frequent accidents or a verbal child reverting to baby talk. Persistent aggression, including repeated biting or hitting that does not improve with guidance, may indicate emotional distress rather than simple defiance.

For school-aged children between six and twelve years, academic and social pressures increase. School refusal, especially when accompanied by recurring stomach aches or headaches on school mornings, may signal anxiety rather than illness.

A sudden withdrawal from friends or repeated comments like “nobody likes me” should not be dismissed. Similarly, extreme perfectionism and intense distress over minor mistakes can reflect a deep fear of failure and low self-worth. These behaviours are often coping mechanisms for feelings the child cannot clearly articulate.

Adolescence brings rapid physical, hormonal, and social changes, but not all behaviour should be dismissed as typical teenage moodiness. Drastic personality shifts, sudden changes in peer groups, or a noticeable drop in academic performance can indicate emotional struggles.

While teenagers naturally seek privacy, complete withdrawal from family interaction or excessive secrecy may be red flags. Escapism through constant screen time, gaming, or substance use can also reflect attempts to numb overwhelming emotions.

Consider a ten-year-old who suddenly becomes disruptive in class, constantly joking and interrupting lessons. It may appear to be a discipline problem, but the child could be struggling academically and using humour as a protective shield.

It may feel safer to be seen as “the funny one” rather than “the one who cannot keep up.” In such cases, the behaviour is not about seeking trouble but about escaping shame and preserving self-esteem.

Across all ages, certain signs require immediate attention. Any talk of self-harm or attempts to hurt oneself must always be taken seriously. Persistent sadness, irritability, or low mood lasting more than two weeks may indicate depression.

Significant changes in sleep, appetite, or daily functioning are also warning signs. Seeking professional support in such situations is not a sign of failure but of responsible caregiving.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are of the author and not of Health Dialogues. The Editorial/Content team of Health Dialogues has not contributed to the writing/editing/packaging of this article.